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On A Plane

On A Plane

“I love myself better than you, I know this love is wrong but what should I do?”

This is the question I ask myself daily. I know I deserve a greater love than what I’m receiving yet, I continue to settle. Why I ask myself, why? Is it comfort, fear of the unknown or do I just love you that much? I’ve shown you in every way I possibly could. Towards you I’m selfless almost to a fault, benevolent and accepting. I need to better apply those qualities to other aspects of my life and relationships outside of ours. I write these words as conformation for myself because I don’t feel the pain I should. I’m on a plane and I can’t complain. I love who I am and what I’m doing with my life but then there’s us, us. There’s no trust in us. You always question me. Why I lost your trust I’ll never know because I never have and never will betray it. I’ve never given you a reason to distrust me, I’ve always been faithful and virtuous. You, on the other hand have had your indiscretions. I’ve forgiven them over time and embraced you afterward. All was well… for a little bit. Then there was that other time, oh and that other time. Still I remained on a plane. My career was good and my goals were being met. So, I remained on a plane. My heart hurt but I pushed on, and I felt like I always would. But again you accused me, why I don’t know. Your first cousin and best friend, really! I protest my innocence until I was blue in the face then finally I asked you to confront him. You wouldn’t, why? Then eventually I realized why, you knew what I was saying was true. You were just trying to shift blame and draw attention away from the evils you were doing.

“I love myself better than you, I know this love is wrong but what should I do?”

On that plane I will remain despite you trying to pull me down into a gully of murky muddy waters muddying my thoughts on exactly what we have here. There is a person devoted to this relationship, me and a person dedicated to exploiting this relationship, you. As I feel victim to your games, psychological and emotional abuse, I remained on that plane and for that I can’t complain. If you haven’t figured out by name this is your Dear John letter Sporty. You can continue to get fresh and “Do what you do” and I’ll be moving on to bigger and better things. In you’re heart you knew you were wrong but what did you do? Have fun down in your gully sir. Twisting and turning my feelings were burning; you were breaking this girl with the way you were treating me and now our love is broken forever. Allowing someone to try and lower me I will never again do. I’ll remain on my plane Loving myself better than you.

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